“13th December 2007: Rocking, Idiots, Notes and Ethical Christmas CardsWe did really well last night.  We had 300 cases in, and we got the whole thing finished by 6:30am.  Which isn't at all bad considering it was just me and Ian.  Although I do wonder if we had worked together on both sections together, then we might have finished earlier, but then that was bad decision making on my part.  See?  Not infalible.We also had some idiots.  Incredibly, this guy buys £50 of petrol, and pays in £5 notes.  Now, that is in no way annoying, filling up the till with £5 notes which is really irritating.  Then he picks up a magazine and plonks it on the counter.  I tell the guy that it's £2, and you'd have thought I'd told him it was £500.  He looked shocked and said "Oh, right, hang on, I'll have to go get some money from the car".  Then ran out and got money.  Basic premise of how a shop works - you bring money in, you get goods for said money. Not rocket science.I got a note from James.  He has inherited his mother's inability to use capital letters, punctuation, or the correct words.  I was planning to publish the letter here, but I left it at work.  One excerpt is "As you no[sic] there is a voucher with your name on it".  Lastly, we have an ethical christmas card at work.  Well, a poster with blank stars on it.  You pay £2, and you get to write a message in a star.  One message from a supervisor says "Dear all, you all smell of wee and I hate the lot of you.  Anyway, merry christmas and a happy new year.  Name withheld due to concerns for safety.  Love Steve."  Ian wrote "I hate Christmas.  Ian.  P.s.: I have paid my £2."  I wanted to write in the biggest star "I hate all of you.  Every last one.  Doubly for Pete."Permalink12th December 2007: Black Diamonds At MySolitaire.comNow, those who study my blog carefully will know that I am an engaged man, and that I am actually planning on getting married really quite soon.  So, the MySolitaire.com is a great site for me to review.  Considering my fiancee is a jeweller, I am constantly worrying about what I am going to get her jewellery-wise.  I mean, how are you supposed to impress a jeweller with jewellery if you are but a mortal man?  MySolitaire.com could be the answer.  They offer something quite incredible - Black Diamonds.  This is something I have never seen before, but they are amazing.  I mean, look!  Black Diamond Rings.But if you thought they were impressive, you really need to also see their blue diamond rings.  Blue Diamonds actually manage to look even better than the Black Diamonds, which when I saw them thought were impressive, but then I was just blown away by the Blue Diamonds.  Forget connections with Titanic, just look at how good this is!But if you really want to blow your girl away with something really quite unique, stunning, and just jaw droppingly beautiful, may I suggest MySolitaire.com's red diamond jewellery.  However good Blue and Black Diamonds may look, they just have nothing whatsoever on Red Diamonds:Wow, I mean...WOW.  That is just amazing.  Ok, so it's not cheap, but come on, have you EVER seen anything as stunning as that in your life?  Now, I have never seen these diamonds before in my life.  I'd heard about clear diamonds, obviously, and I'd heard of those funny little yellow diamonds made of dead people, but these three diamonds are just beautiful.  Now, I realise that not everyone has a jeweller as a fiancee, and that finding something which is a little bit unusual isn't required, but think about it, imagine the look on your girlfriend's face when you present her with that Red Diamond ring.  Permalink12th December 2007: Love And Hate Ice, Children Cannot Supervise, Presents For Simon But Not Me? How Rude!, Paradox Customers, Replenishment Is Swapsies, Mindless Racists, Reasons To Refill Bananas, 45 Minute Breaks For Supervisors and A Genius Error Message.As you might have noticed, today is a bit of a bumper post!  A lot of stuff happened, so a lot of stuff is getting blogged!  First up, I am strange.  I love cold weather.  I don't really get cold when I am in cold weather, so I can just enjoy it, and take in how everything is covered in a beautiful layer of frost.  Then there are the downsides.  Having to refund customers because the car wash/jet wash is frozen.  Or listening to customers complaining that there are patches of ice on the forecourt (we are talking patches about half the size of your hand, and only 2 of these on the forecourt).  Also it holds up my going to and leaving work, because Dad has to scrape the ice off the car.  But anyway...at least it's still cold outside!Now, it has been proven that children cannot be supervisors.  James aka Spud, was on from 2pm until 10pm, because he's too young to work after 10pm (didn't stop him working nights...) which meant Simon had to come in at 10pm to relieve him, because otherwise there would only be Michal left in the store.  But because Michal is Polish, this meant that Simon decided he should stand on the tills for an hour and chat with Michal for an hour.  You may remember a few days ago that I commented on how if we appeased our customers, we would get a Corporate Christmas Present.  Well, it has arrived!  We appeased over 100 customers, therefore we get a very nice £20 voucher.  The only slight bitter taste left by it is that it has to be used between the 16th and the 30th of December.  Which is annoying, but does coincide with our other "Christmas Bonus" of an extra 10% off of our already quite handy 10% discount.In retail, you always get bad customers and good customers, as you might expect looking from the outside in.  But there is a rare, but existing type of customer.  The paradoxical customer.  Now, fortunately you don't often have to deal with this type of customer, but they do pop up every now and again.  This customer is annoying because they'll ask for your help in finding something, and you won't have it.  So, you offer to go look in the warehouse to see if you have any more of it.  And then they hit you with it, and you know it's only going to get worse after those three little words - "No, it's ok".  Because after they go wandering off, it burrows into their brain that YOU didn't actually help them.  So they complain.  They complain that there isn't enough stock of whatever it was that they wanted.  Which if you're not in charge, means you get in trouble for trying to help them, but them not letting you, and because in our store "The Customer Is King", if you try and argue that it wasn't your fault, that's irrelevant because a customer has complained...It hit me last night, whilst working the chiller that replenishment (the industry name for shelf filling) is a giant game of swapsies.  Hear me out on this one!  You go somewhere, and look at what you have, and then go "need, need, don't need, need, shiny..."  Ok, so the last one might actually be a bit of a lie, but you seriously look at the stock and decide what you do and don't need.  And my vague memories of being a kid reminded me that as kids we used to play swapsies going "need, need, don't need, need, need, got loads of, need..."Now, I often joke about the Polish, but all in all, they're an alright bunch of people.  Quite nice.  Quite friendly.  Willing to make an effort to be friendly on the whole.  But apparently one customer doesn't agree with my thoughts.  Simon wrote down the number plate of this quite dodgy looking customer, and to be honest, I would have written his number plate down too.  So, he sees this, and takes offence, and starts claiming that Simon is doing this because the guy is English and Simon is Polish, therefore he thought that the English guy was stealing money.  Now, as if that wasn't bad enough, he then took out a five pound note and threw it at Simon and told him if he wanted money so badly, to send that money back to his family in Poland.  And then, that still wasn't enough, so he stood at the door telling customers that came in for a few minutes that Simon would rip them off and be rude to them because they were English.  Funnily, we even had complaints from other customers about this prat, to which I replied I hoped the police would come and fill up with petrol before he left.  Unfortunately I was disappointed...However, Simon did come up with quite a novel reason why we needed to fill the bananas:" We must change banana because Laura is come in the morning!"   Really?  Maybe those rumours are true...But then he annoyed me.  Because I took my lunch at 1:45am, so that he could take his break at 2:15am.  Except, when I came back, he'd decided he was going to take his break at 5am, an hour before he finished.  But then he realised that he hadn't had his last 15 minute break either, so without telling me, he just tacked it onto the end of his half hour break, giving him a 45 minute break.  Now, considering there were only 2 of us working last night, it meant that I had to do everything on my own, with just Sue covering the tills.Lastly, I have to tell you about the genius error message that we have in our store computers when things go belly up:"The Application Has Encountered Some Error" followed by lines and lines of code.  Very user friendly...Permalink11th December 2007: Review Of Babyfy.comBabyfy.com is a stunningly well designed site which offers baby product reviews.  Now, this site attracted me because I am having many MANY discussions with Alejandra about having kids.  And of course, if you are going to have kids, then you're going to need to know what baby products are good, and which baby equipment is basically, pants.  Now, the first thing that hits you is that this is a UK site, and it's very simply laid out.  Two big pluses as far as I am concerned, because to be honest, I don't trawl many baby sites, and if they can make it as simple as shopping at Amazon, fantastic!  What they have, which other sites do not have is a little box at the top offering advice.  You can click on the "read more" link and you get access to a blog by Melinda Nicci who from the credentials there, sounds like the really knows what she's doing.  But there is more!  Sleep experts, employment experts, breastfeeding specialists, even a maternity lingerie person (her blog will get much reading from me when Alejandra is pregnant...)  As for the reviews section, they have something quite extraordinary.  You can pick expert reviews, or user reviews, but the real kicker on this site is that the reviews are hooked up to an RSS feed, so I would presume that when a new review is added, you get it via RSS.  What a good idea!  Why hasn't anyone else thought of this?  Now, in conclusion, I have to say I was hugely impressed with this site.  It is supremely well laid out, it has unique features which combine old ideas and new technology, which is a mindset I myself adopt, and it has a maternity lingerie expert.  What more could you ask for in a baby site?  Nothing.  That's what.Permalink11th December 2007: Relaxing Day OffChristmas Video Of The Day: Fairytale Of New York by Kirsty McColl And The PoguesGet 25 Free MP3 Downloads FREE - and use one to download Mistletoe And Wine by Cliff Richard, and get him to UK Christmas Number One to annoy Simon Cowell and his Pop Tarts.So, this is probably going to be quite a short entry, purely because I really didn't do a lot yesterday.  I spent a long time just talking on the phone with my romantic, wonderful, loving fiancee.  We're spending so much time making plans for my trip to Guatemala, and I'm also testing out my Spanish with her.  I should actually mention where I am learning Spanish.  There is a fantastic site called LiveMocha which does more than just teaches you a language, it connects you with people who speak the language you are learning and are learning the language you speak.  So far, for all my tests I've got a lowest score of 39 out of 40, and a highest score of 40 out of 40 (for Magnet, which is easily my favourite test on the site).Then I read my book which I am trying to get through.  It's a really good, and absolutely facinating book.  So much of the book is making so much sense right now.  It's called The Science Of Getting Rich and it really and truely does make a lot of sense.  I think a lot of people will write it off for having "spooky mumbo jumbo" but when you think about it with an open mind, it really makes a LOT of sense.Permalink10th December 2007: Christmas Number 1 Campaign, Late Starts, Being Bored, Being Quick, Slapped Wrists and Yet Another RedesignChristmas Video Of The Day: Mistletoe And Wine by Cliff RichardGet 25 Free MP3 Downloads FREE - and use one to download Mistletoe And Wine by Cliff Richard, and get him to UK Christmas Number One to annoy Simon Cowell and his Pop Tarts.So, I have decided to make a campaign to make Cliff Richard the UK Christmas Number One.  Why?  Well, as much as I like watching X Factor (Same Difference to win!) I am sick and effing tired of Simon Cowell and his Pop Tarts being Christmas Number One.  Come on people, Christmas and Cliff are one and the same thing.  We need Cliff to rescue Christmas from horrible manufactured pop.  Come on!  Together we can do it!  So, click any of the Cliff Richard links above, and begin a free 25 MP3 trial at eMusic.com.  And if you're feeling really generous, use all 25 free downloads to download Mistletoe And Wine.  If you are in your late 20s and live in the UK, you know what I am talking about...Last night I had to start work at 12pm, which was nice, and a pain in the ass.  It meant I had to finish at 8am, which I always hate.  The later I finish, the less I have to do.  I had to stay late because I had a disciplinary, which I will discuss later.  But because I had to start late, it meant I finished late.  And it also meant I had to work with James as my supervisor.  James aka Spud.  So, after I had served most of the massive queue of customers, which funnily enough, he wasn't around to serve, but he was when the queue was down to one person...We were really quick last night too.  And, begrudgingly, I have to admit that most of this was down to Caroline mi.  She actually impressed me with her speed last night.  I went for my lunch and when I came back, she had half finished a cage.  Impressive stuff for half an hour.  Not as fast as I am when I am on my game, but I was very much not on my game last night.  Too much chatting.  We finished at 5ish, and even got the milk, papers, and Ginsters completed by the time 7am rolled around.  Which is why I had nothing to do between 7:20am and 8am except be given orders by a spud...Now, the meat of this piece...my disciplinary.  I got a slap on the wrists because I hadn't filled in the temperature check book.  Oh dear.  Woe is me.  The reason I got a slap on the wrist is because it directly affects Pete.  Not the store, not anything else, but just Petey Pie.  Now, I argued my case well.  Because Simon doesn't fill in the book either.  And I pointed out that I am not a supervisor anymore.  And that I am forgetful anyway, due to my Autism.  Then things diverted to area managers being arses, new area managers coming into the company, my being quite good on the face of things, and how actually, when he thought of it, I did earn my wages.  Gotta love the fact that I can charm both men and women in equal measure.  And do so to my very distinct advantage.  Lastly, the redesign.  There is actually thought behind it!  See, I have a new program that lets me colour co-ordinate, which has never been a huge strength of mine.  So I threw it a few colours from this background I acquired, and bingo, it gives me this rather nice little colour scheme.  And when Christmas is done, I'll find something else nice and tasteful to throw together.  Suggestions always welcome...Permalink6th December 2007: Review Of Bed And Breakfast TorontoRegular readers will know that I review a LOT of blogs.  I actually enjoy doing it.  Now, a lot of the time, I might like the blog, but just can't connect with it for some reason or another.  But I have found one blog, which I wasn't expecting huge amounts from, but have completely fallen in love with!  Bed And Breakfast Toronto does what it says on the tin, they are all about Toronto bed and breakfast.  Obviously, they also cover Toronto hotels, because they are a Toronto travel blog.  Now, this blog interests me on many levels, because my Grandfather was more or less Canadian (he was born on the plane out of Canada) and it's a place I have always wanted to visit, and of course, if I am going to visit, I am going to need to find Hotels in Toronto.  But the reason I love this site is that it is funny as well as informative.  It looks good, it made me think, and it made me smile too at it's humour.  PLUS, the really impressive thing is that the blogger blogs every day.  I know how hard that is, so, well done!  Also added to the Blogroll!Permalink6th December 2007: James Needs Flowers To Get Laid, Girls Can't Move Cages, Things Customers Do To "Help", Rocking and Being NiceFree Christmas MP3 Of The Day: Christmas Swing Blues by Steve McCambridgeFree Christmas Song Of The Day: Christmas Wrapping by The WaitressesLast night was a lot of fun.  A little frustrating, but still fun.  And it started like it continued.  James came in and had a huge bunch of flowers.  I asked him if he was guilty or sorry, and he said that he wasn't either.  I laughed and I said that if he was buying flowers, it was one or the other.  He said they were to keep his mum sweet, which is something I really sympathise with.  But then he added that there was a third reason you buy flowers - to get your girlfriend to have sex with you.  I laughed and told him it still fell into one of the two catagories, because you're sorry you're not having sex, so you buy the flowers.  I still just thought it was fantastically funny that James finds the need to buy his girlfriend flowers to have sex with him.  Well...not that funny I guess...he's no Brad Pitt.  My nickname for him is Spud, due to his Mr Potato Head face.  And I think my nickname is the least cruel out of all of them in the store...Now, according to Simon, girls can't move cages.  He tried arguing this with Pete who disagreed with him (quite rightly).  I'm of the opinion that if a girl joins nightshift, she doesn't get any special treatment.  We still make the same kind of jokes, swear, and expect them to heft the heavy cages just like the rest of us have to.  So, I kept helping her move the cages...because...well...she is just a little girl (JOKE!)  At one point, she was trying to pull a cage backwards, and I was pulling it forward and practically dragging her along the floor.  Something me and Caroline were discussing last night were the things that customers do to "help".  Now, we know these things are well meant, but they are REALLY annoying when you're trying to serve someone.1: "I think I've got the 1" when we're trying to sort out your change, don't offer to give us the 1p.  It's really annoying because we then have to put all the change back in the till, figure out what it is you're trying to do, then redo your change.2: "I've got the exact money somewhere..."  Not always an issue, if we're quiet.  But if we're busy, and short staffed, it's really annoying because it means the customer behind you will blame us for them having to wait an extra minute or so.  3: Scanning items for us.  This one is just really annoying because if you miss the reduced sticker, it's actually your fault, but you will blame us when you read your receipt.4: Taking a bag.  Not annoying, just makes us feel like sh*t for not offering you one first.5: "I'll pack for you!"  NO NO NO!  Because you'll always take one thing I haven't scanned!  Me and Caroline rocked last night too.  We got the delivery finished by 6:30am, which considering we had 1900 cases, was pretty good!  Ok, so it didn't feel like 1900, but according to the delivery note, we had 1900.  Even the driver agreed with my theory that Amazon licenced the Tardis technology from the BBC, and where we work has stolen this technology from Amazon.  For those who don't follow, if you buy stuff from Amazon, it comes in ridiculously small packages which almost explode when you open them!Lastly, I decided to be nice.  I stayed behind for an extra 15 minutes to make sure the papers were done.  Which took pretty much everyone by surprise.  Dayshift kept asking me whether I was working until 7:30am, Caroline just seemed confused, and even Sue looked a little bemused.  And because I know management read this blog, I am not really going to explain why I did it, or I am going to continue doing it.Permalink  5th December 2007: Blog Review So, today I am reviewing 3 blogs.  The first one is this plastic surgery blog which is a really nice blog.  It is full of all kinds of information about what appears to be pretty much every kind of plastic surgery you could imagine.  From what I can tell, from my limited knowledge of plastic surgery, it seems to be very well made and researched.  The next blog I am reviewing is this cosmetic surgery blog which has a very interesting slant on plastic surgery.  We all know that plastic surgery can be costly, with some procedures costing tens of thousands of dollars.  This blog talks about the virtues of a plastic surgery gift card.  I suppose it does make a certain amount of sense.  This blog also has links to other plastic surgery blogs, so if you're interesting in reading more about this subject, the link above will take you to a veritable hub of plastic surgery information goodness.  The last blog I am going to review is about plastic surgery information.  Well, to be more precise, it's a view from a korean glamour model.  And for once, it's one that actually speaks a bit of sense!  I gotta love anyone that slates Victoria Beckham's dodgy taste in breast implants - "looking like two grapefruit halves".  So, that is the end of my reviews of these blogs.  Whilst plastic surgery really isn't my thing, I must admit that these blogs really interested me.  Especially the last one, it was a very interesting read.  I mean, it's not every day that you get to read the inner workings of a glamour model's mind.  Especially one that seems to actually have an IQ in more than single figures.  The other blogs were interesting, but I think they were more aimed at people interesting in plastic surgery.Permalink5th December 2007: Hole In The Loading Bay, Simon Lives, Corporate Christmas Presents, New Regional Manager's Report, and BORED!Free Christmas MP3 Of The Day: Santa Will Find You by Mindy SmithFree Christmas Video Of The Day: Winter Wonderland by Amy Grant - Karaoke Edition!So, this actually happened, or was shown to me yesterday, but due to the Blackberry going nuts on me, I forgot.  We have a massive hole in our loading bay, which is where all the stock which we don't have room for in our warehouse goes.  Apparently someone ripped two panels off the side wall, and stole 12 bottles of wine.  Great company policy!  Keep the big blast door shut, that way when people tear the store apart from the outside in, you can't hear it.  Yup, that's right, they tore open the wall, pulled a cage over, stole 12 bottles of wine, and no-one noticed until 7am the next morning!  Brilliant!  Love how our company really looks after us workers!  Because if they don't give a damn about the stock, why would they care about us?  For those not in the know about retail, stock ALWAYS comes before staff.Somehow, I have no idea how, but Simon is still in a job.  Now, I must admit, he was quite a laugh last night.  We cracked jokes, took the mickey out of each other, and generally had a pretty good time on the shift.  It flew.  Which is always nice, compared to some shifts which really drag!Now, we are apparently going to be getting a corporate Christmas present.  Joy(!)  I have had one such present in the four years I have been there.  It was a £5 voucher for the place I work.  But better than that, it wasn't for all of us.  No.  The shift collectively got ONE £5 voucher.  We bought 5 bottles of Ostrovar for £4, a box of Ferrero Rocher and used our discount cards and added 2p.  We got one beer and 2 Ferrero Rocher each.  I bet you wish you got Christmas Bonuses like that!  Anyway, they're going to ask at least 100 customers from our store what they think and if we've WOW'ed [sic] them, and if we "hit our targets" then everyone gets an "early Christmas present".  Personally, my strategy would be to bring a gun into these meetings, and aim the gun at them and say "Are you happy?  Have we WOW'ed you?"  Then you know, thank them for saying yes, give them a £5 voucher, and send them on their way...The new Regional Manaer has left a report on what he thought about the store.  WOW...he is such a happy go lucky guy!  He gave us a 1 out of 10 for everything except customer service.  But he did give us a 10 for customer service, which is always a good thing.  But the list of things Pete has to fix before the next visit is HUGE.  I mean like three quarters of a page of A4 huge.  Man, am I ever glad to be out of the whole management/supervisor/responsibility thing!Lastly, we got a tiny, TINY little delivery in last night.  It came in at 2:45am, we were all finished by 4am.  Which considering we end work at 7am left a LOT of time for us to be very bored in.  Even Supervisor Simon did much wandering around, reading magazines, and generally looking bored.  That is always a great sign of a slow shift.  When your supervisor has both run out of things for you to do, AND run out of things for himself to do, then you know boredom is going to ensue.  Permalink4th December 2007: Reader Request, Racist Simon, Nice Laura, Praising Pete, Broken Blackberries and DreamsFree Christmas MP3 Of The Day: Christmas by Effin LovelyFree Christmas Video Of The Day: Baby It's Cold Outside by Tom Jones and Cerys MatthewsFirst up, I have a request for all you lovely readers of this blog.  I want to have a Christmas song every day for you to be able to watch...except...I am running low on ideas!  So I am opening it up to all you readers.  Help me decide a Christmas song, and you will get a link to your blog/site/whatever on the post and a mention.  Now, here is the list I have come up with at the moment.Winter wonderlandI'll be home for christmasRudolph the red nosed reindeerLet it snowWhite ChristmasJingle BellsBlue ChristmasSilent NightLet It SnowLast ChristmasNew YearSanta BabyRockin' RobinDriving Home For ChristmasFairytale Of New YorkMistletoe And WineSo, as you can see, I am a few short to take us to Christmas Day.  So, all you have to do for a backlink and a mention is to come up with a Christmas song not on that list.  Either leave a comment or e-mail me.  Either are acceptable.  Or IM me...Now, I have to tell you about what has been going on at work whilst I was away!  Apparently the Friday before I came back, Caroline tripped over a box that Simon put behind the counter, she fell and hit her arm on a spike we have for holding the carrier bags.  And the conversation went like this:Caroline: "You can't just leave stuff lying around Simon!  I've bruised my arm!"Simon: "I don't care!"Caroline: "Simon!  I've actually hurt myself!"Simon: "You hurt yourself because you are blind!" (Simon storms off into the back then comes back)Simon: (in front of John): "You hurt yourself because you are blind, and you are blind because you are English!"For those who don't know, Simon is Polish.  Personally I think this is absolutely disgusting behaviour.  He is supposed to be our supervisor!  And he goes around making racist remarks?  To me it's just incredible that he thinks he can still work as a supervisor after saying something so obscene.  But when I came into work yesterday, Laura was there, and in a good mood!  Incredible, I know!  She was light, jokey, just generally in a good mood.  She also thumped me in the arm (in a good natured way) and said "Week Saturday Jack!" and I said "Yes, I can't wait!"  She told me she couldn't wait either, and that she couldn't wait to get drunk with us.  I told her that's what I'd told everyone, that everyone gets slaughtered and everyone is on a level playing field.  She laughed and said that I got more drunk than anyone.  I said this was true, but I was bringing my camera this time again, and she groaned.  I also told her I'd find a more stable website for the photos!Then almost at the end of my shift, Pete told me that he thinks that I might not be a senior member of staff in my job title, but he considers me a member of his senior staff because I've been there for such a long time (4 years+ and going strong-ish).  Now that was nice.  See, this is what I mean.  Little tiny things like that mean a lot to me.  I like getting little bits of praise now and again, and to be honest (management) it doesn't cost anything or take a tremendous amount of time to do it.Now, today's blog post was supposed to be a LOT longer.  There is a good reason it isn't.  My Blackberry crashed.  I say crashed, let me tell you precisely what happened.  I was going to add something to the list of subjects, except I couldn't, because it wouldn't accept my password.  I tried and tried to make it work, but it wouldn't, and in the end, it wiped the whole damned device.  Everything gone.  Fortunately I've only had it a few days...and I REALLY see why they call it a Crackberry!  I've never had a phone I've felt like saying "I can't live without this" but this is getting scarily close.Permalink3rd December 2007: Review Of Antonio's Mojito at La Fiesta, Puerto Rico, Gran CanariaNow, it is important to point out this is not a paid review of any kind.  I am doing this because I love La Fiesta, and Antonio is just an awesome barman.  After playing Irish Bingo at La Fiesta, I won a free cocktail.  I will admit, I really do hate cocktails.  I don't see the point in them.  Give me a JD and Coke or a Rum and Coke.  So, after being bugged all night by Antonio to try a Mojito, I decided to shush him by trying one using my cocktail voucher.  Now, I have to admit, I was so impressed, he took so much care over making the thing and looked so serious about it all, he was as focused, concentrated and professional as the staff at Que Pasa (they take their cocktail making VERY seriously).  So, after 5 minutes of mashing mint leaves into ice and sugar, squeezing of limes, throwing 7 Up bottles around and into the blender, he tentatively poured what I must admit looked like an alcoholic slush puppy (sorry Antonio, it did).  But wow...did it taste good!  At first it just tasted like watered down rum, and I was kind of disappointed, but then as the ice melted, the other flavours came through.  It ended up like a minty, limey, very cold, VERY nice drink.  The only complaints I have about it are that 1) There was a LOT of it, and it was quite heavy going whilst I was also trying to keep up with Mike on drinking our Rum and Cokes.2) On my last night, another guy bought a Mojito whilst it was busy, and Antonio kind of sped through it, and it didn't look anywhere as good as mine did a few nights before.  Slow down Loco Naranja!So, if you are going to Puerto Rico in Gran Canaria, make sure you check out La Fiesta in The Commercial Centre and buy one of Antonio's Mojitos!  Tell him the rum drinking wierdo with the beard sent you.Permalink2nd December 2007: Omnibus!Wow...what a trip!  I am going to try and remember precisely what happened over the last week, because to be honest, it's a blur.  Ok, so the first night really not a lot happened, namely because I hadn't slept more than 2 hours, and then had a drink which just absolutely knocked me out.  So, the next night we went out to our favourite bar, La Fiesta.  This is an awesome bar, I have to tell you.  The DJ, Billy is the most sane of the lot.  This isn't saying a lot.  When we stepped into the bar, this is what happened, as it happened.We take 3 steps into the bar, before hearing...Antonio: "AMIGOS!"We get about another 10 steps into the bar before...Antonio (now screaming): "Billy!  They back!"Billy: "WIERDOS!"Antonio then looks noncholantly at us and says "Hola.  Not happy hour anymore, so, what you want?  2?  4?"  We literally took 2 sips from our drinks before we hear.Billy: "Oh yes!  Those lads have been coming here for years, they know the score, get up, you're so playing this."We have no idea what a "this" is.  But we soon find out.  "This" is Russian Roulette with cocktails.  3 rounds.  Each round the cocktails get worse.  When the music stops, the person with the cocktail has to drink it.  Poor Mike, he ended up with 2 cocktails.  The nice one and the last one.  He threw up about half an hour later.  So, about 10 more triple rum and cokes later (I kid you not, the servings of rum there are halfway up the glass), we find out that our favourite game still gets played.  The Shot Game.  One tray of shots, some are nice, some are disgusting.  They all look the same apart from the colour, and the colour gives nothing away.  Now, I am a vetran at this game, I have been playing it for about 6 years.  I love it, it's almost the sole reason I go to La Fiesta, and I rock at it.  I now very rarely get a single bad shot.  Sometimes I do, but it never happens more than 3 times a night.  Why?  I know how it works!  I ended up getting 5 free shots of alcohol from guessing 5 TV theme tunes.  At one point the following happened:Billy: "What do you do all day?  Watch tv?  Anyway, what have you been up to today?"Me: "Watching tv..."I also saw Les.  There is great history between me and Les.  Last year me and her had a drinking contest, which came about because she couldn't believe how fast me and Mike drink.  Now, in The Shot Game, you have two choices, drink or nominate.  If you choose nominate, you can pick anyone on the bar premesis.  If you're brave, even passers by...  So, last year I nominated Les.  And she nominated me.  A lot.  The next night I came in:Me: "Can I have two rum and cokes?"Les: "No, because you're a b*stard"Me: "Why?"Les: "I spent all morning throwing up because of you.  How were you this morning?"Me: "Fine.  Had a full English"Les: "B*stard"So, when I saw her in the bar, Billy was deciding whether or not I should have a drink, and just as he said I should, I looked over at Les.  She then waved her finger in the air and shook her head, so I drank.  The next day was a serious chill out day.  We both felt ill after drinking insane amounts of alcohol until 2am.  So we went to the local market where I bought a huge black leather hat, and then relaxed.  We drank afternoon tea, complete with cake, in 30 degree heat.  It was wierd, but I like doing things that are normal, and every day, but in less than normal or ordinary places.  The bar was quiet, because on Mondays there are very few people about.  The DJ left at 1am, Les came in at 1:30am, and we left at 2:30am, and got hugs off Les before we left, which is always nice!The next night was just mad.  Les was behind the bar, Antonio was on form and hyper, and Billy was on fire.  When I went to the toilet, Antonio filled my half full glass with rum.  And poor Mike just kept getting his glass filled and filled with more alcohols.  In the end Les had to tell him to stop.  Speaking of which, Les bought me a Bacardi shot, which got emptied into my glass.  Nice girl.  Then we hit the free shots.  It was very mad.  I must have drunk another 5 or 6 shots before we staggered home.  We got lumped into the "staff" catagory by Billy because the staff were doing The Shot Game too, so Billy said "I want all the staff to stop playing The Shot Game, that includes you two lads sat at the bar.  Just give it a rest for 5 songs yeah?"  We ignored him, and I ended up getting a shot with Tabasco sauce in it.  I was on the toilet most of the morning...  We all got drunk though.  Billy had to change clothes with a girl, whilst he was dressed as a mexican, which made him look stereotypically gay with a moustache and tight t-shirt.  Their PR guy had to kiss 10 men in the bar, of which, me and Mike were two...  And one guy had to go around the bar collecting ashtrays and glasses for 10 minutes dressed as a baby.  And at the end of the night we got another huge hug off Les.  Again, always nice!The next day was a bummer.  It really put a dent in my holiday mood.  We were at La Fiesta again, and had a lovely night out with my parents and then seeing the crazy life I lead over there.  Then when we left, we got caught by a PR guy.  PR guys there grab you and try and entice you into the bars.  Now, I am going to do something I do well.  A review.  I get paid decent money to do reviews for sites.  Well...Dicey O'Riley's, it's your turn!Dicey O'Rileys is a nightclub in the underground section of Puerto Rico's Commercial Centre.  Now, considering some of the bars are quite notorious in the upper levels of the commercial centre, the underground section is basically the scum at the bottom of the barrel.  I have never been to Dicey O'Rileys and I never will.  When I was in Gran Canaria, I got collared by the PR Manager of Dicey O'Rileys, and their tactics absolutely disgusted me.  Most PR guys will ask you, try and entice you, but let you go.  Not this bar.  They had us surrounded by people, some of who left when I made them feel uncomfortable with eye contact, but the PR Manager of the bar and a heavy stayed, and blocked any exit.  And when we told him we had to go, he refused to let us.  And when I repeated that we wanted to leave, he became abusive.  The PR Manager of Dicey O'Rileys is a bully ladies and gentlemen.  I was told that I was showing my age.  I was insulted about where I came from "Hampshire?  That's quite posh isn't it?"  So, all in all people, if you go to Puerto Rico, Gran Canaria, give Dicey O'Riley's a miss.  Their PR Manager is a bully, he uses intimidation, and if all else fails, he will be rude to you.  And don't worry!  You will easily be able to identify him!  He will NOT be quiet about how "I'm Irish".  I felt he was about 1 second away from adding "kiss me".The next day we spent going around the island on a cultural tour.  Ok, by culture, we visited the island's biggest rum factory.  With a free bar.  I drank 2 shots of 12 year old rum, 3 shots of 7 year old rum, 3 shots of honey rum, 2 shots of banana rum, a shot of chocolate rum, and a shot of coffee rum.  In 10 minutes.  It was fantastic.  Moderation is a great thing, and I don't comprehend moderation.  And then we went up to the mountains and saw a stunning church, called the church of the protected lady.  I loved it, and mum said it was vulgar.  It had masses of gold and silver all over the place.  Anyway, then we went to a resteraunt called the finger of God, which used to overlook a massive hanging piece of rock by the same name.  Incredible food.  We had a pre-starter of potatoes in a mojo sauce, followed by a salad with some of the most beautiful Tuna I have ever tried, that was followed by a beef in tomato sauce, and that followed by ice cream.  I was stuffed afterwards!  Then we spent the night in the hotel bar, tipped the barman who kept giving us more and more and more alcohol without having to ask him for it, and finally got to bed at about 2am.  Now, our maid was actually mad.  Properly insane.  She made swans out of towels and left one in the shower one day.  But this day, she made our bed into a lake (because the blankets were blue) and the sheets into ripples, and put two swans on the beds.  There are pictures of what two guys in their late 20s drunk on free alcohol will do when they come in and see such a sight, and they will NEVER be published.  Monica Lopez of RIU ClubHotel Vistamar, we salute you, and your name and glowing feedback will be included in my feedback.On our last night, we did a whistlestop tour of the places we frequented.  La Fiesta and the hotel bar.  Now, I have a stunning story about the hotel bar.  The barman kept giving us alcohol without us asking, which was nice, and above and beyond, so the first night, I gave him a tip of 10 euros (£7 or $14) and he grinned like a Cheshire Cat, and gave us even more alcohol.  More than we could drink before the frankly stingy midnight closing time.  So, we ran.  We got the drinks, went to the smoking area, and smoked, then ran out the back door, into a lift, and back to our room.  Whilst whistling "The Great Escape".  So, the next night, same barman was all smiles and handshakes.  So I tipped them more (about 17 euros) and got the same service.  Problem was, we'd been to La Fiesta, and Antonio had given us some "special" drinks.  MUCH alcohol in them.  And we decided to drink quickly at the free bar, so we were quite drunk when we escaped with the alcohol.  We didn't get past the first drink before we decided enough was enough, and that seeing double had ceased to be fun.So, now I am back, sober (for now, ploughing my way through a 15 euro bottle of Whyte and Mackay) and ready to push this blog to the next level over the next 12 months.  Watch this space.PermalinkAll content copyright (c) Jack's Blog 2007-2009.  All Rights Reserved.”