“27th December 2007: Gammon-fortune.com Online Backgammon ReviewStraight off the bat, I have to admit that this is a really great site.  I have to say that I wasn't expecting a hugely impressive site, because I don't really understand Backgammon, but it has always interested me, because it is just pure skill.  Now, I have never really played Online Backgammon.  This is because I really don't understand how to play Backgammon.  Their software is powered by Play65.com, which I am led to believe are one of the biggest online Backgammon companies.  The advantage of this is that it's very hard to cheat, because one of the biggest ways to cheat at Backgammon online is to use a simulator set on Grandmaster mode and play the moves it plays against you, who would be playing the moves your opponent plays.  Now, Play65.com have software that detects this kind of play, and bars players.  So this means you will get a very fair game from real players.  Not bots.  Another upside of this site is that you can play for play money or real money.  So you can practice until you're at a decent level, then play for cash.Permalink27th December 2007: Presents, Ignorant Customers, The French, Walls Of Meat, and How To (un)Appriciate Your Loyal StaffFree MP3 Of The Day: Electronic Espionage by Wilbert RogetFree Video Of The Day: Inside Out by Bryan AdamsSo, I suppose I should start off by telling you all what I got for Christmas.  Well, I got an iPod alarm clock (works magnificently with my iPod Touch clone), Guitar Hero 3 for the Wii (frustratingly annoying and addictive), Chris Moyles second book, Richard Hammond's new book, two Jeremy Clarkson books, a FCUK "grooming" kit, some Bryan Adams CDs (I asked for them before anyone makes a smartarse comment), and a few other bits and pieces.  Now, this might not sound like an awful lot compared to what some people get from their families, but you know what?  Our family actually concentrates more on the family aspect of Christmas.  For example, me and my sister went for a drink down the pub, and it was really nice.  And last night was my first night back at work.  Yippy skippy joy.  It made all the things I had forgotten about that place come flooding back.  Responsibility being forced on me.  Idiotic orders (Will get to that in a minute) and...ignorant customers.  Now, I have a mobile phone (switched the Blackberry for my old Nokia Communicator) and funnily, in shops, I don't feel the need to have my iPod blocking both ears, and using my phone for texting (txting if you're cool and illiterate).  So, this guy is queuing, and he is blocking the aisle, texting on his phone with his iPod blasting out.  So talking is out of the question, so I dart through a gap, and he bangs into the trolley just a touch.  Which of course is my fault.  He looks up and says "woah, watch where you're going mate".  It took restraint not to throttle him with his iPod headphones...  I love how it's never the person's fault, always mine.  Prime example is Christmas Eve morning.  This guy showed such festive spirit, he took a paper off the stack I was carrying, and when I darted out to put the papers out (I always rush around everywhere) he glared at me and said "well!  don't mind me!"  I smiled and wished him a merry Christmas.  Speaking of ill informed customers, I HAVE to tell you about the customer we had last night.  He was great!  First, he sends his friend up to get a bottle of Cono Sur Merlot (granted, he has taste) and his friend, naturally, got refused.  So they have a little team talk, and he strides up to the till, plonks the bottle in my hand and I tell him that I can't serve him.  To which he replies with a thick French accent "You maybe make one exception?"  I told him I couldn't because of the cameras.  He sighs but accepts it and buys the rest of his things.  Now...someone explain to me how the French can deal with this issue in a polite manner, but the English reply with a torrent of four letter words?  It's just insane!  Now...here is a perfect example of how to run a store.  Take notes if you are a new business owner, this is a tale from the big boys, and it will prove invaluable.  Our store on average gets 6-10 trays of meat per night.  Sometimes as high as 12 on a weekday, maybe 20 on a weekend.  So, last night we got 109 trays of meat.  Mostly repetitions of things.  Like 12 trays of chickens.  About 20 trays of mince.  5 trays of lamb chops, and I couldn't even guess how many varieties of pork we got, but at least 3, and 5 trays of each.  I should add, none of this stuff actually went out.  Of 109 cases, I think maybe 10% went out.  Sooooo....the other 90% is currently forming a massive "Wall Of Meat" in our chillers.  It just amazes me how professionals can screw up this badly.  These are people being paid almost three times my wage, and they make decisions that even *I* can see are really f'ing stupid, but they can't.  And the ironic thing, our manager won the manager's manager award this year.  And he does the ordering.  Breathtaking.To end, I need to tell you the latest slap in the face my company has given me.  Granted, there are many per year, but this is a massive one.  I was talking to Sophie, a nice girl from the bakery this morning about our days off.  I had Christmas Eve and Christmas Day off, but had to work Boxing Day and have to work New Years Eve and New Year's Day despite not having a New Years Eve off for the last 4 years, and offering to work Boxing Day and New Year's Day.  Sophie had to work Christmas Eve, Boxing Day, and has to also work New Years Eve and New Years Day.  Why am I mentioning this?  Well...Sophie and I are two of the longest serving members of staff there.  I've been there for 4 years, Sophie has been there at least 3 years.  And this is how the company treats us.  But the thing is, because other stuff moan and whinge about not having the days off they want, they appease the new staff and screw over the loyal staff.  I've never come across anything like it.  I mean...I explained I needed Christmas Eve off to attend Midnight Mass and the reply?  "Yeah, sure you want to go to church, you're not even Christian".  That comment came from the manager.  Seriously.  This guy has been in the job 2 years and barely knows me.  Hell, his longest conversation with me was when he was p*ssed at the Christmas party last year.  Oh, and my disciplinaries.  I think he believes because I swear, smoke and drink that I can't be Christian.  Even though I pray many times every day.There will be more tomorrow.  There is always more.  Oh, and what do you think of the redesign ?Permalink24th December 2007: TheClubAtLongView.com ReviewNow, this is a site I simply had to review.  They have property in Charlotte, North Carolina, where I actually have friends (Hey there Stacy and...whatever her ex husband's name is.  Chuck I think...)  Anyway, their site is located at http://www.theclubatlongview.com/ and it's pretty damned impressive, if I do say so myself.  Their page on Charlotte Homes just looks stunning.  They offer property at a golf club, which is the only Jack Nicklaus Signature gold course in the whole of Charlotte.  It is also the only private gated golf course in development and has Manor style homes.  I must admit, from the photos, I want to live there!  And if you want to find out more about Charlotte Real Estate, may I suggest you head over to http://www.charlottereal-estate.org/ as this site is really interesting and informative.  Definetly somewhere I would go if I was planning to move to Charlotte and needed information on where would be a good place to live.  Lastly, if you are looking for information about Lake Norman, then you might want to take a look at http://www.charlottereal-estate.org/content/view/19/36/ as this will give you some excellent information on real estate in the Lake Norman are and Lake Norman Real Estate in general.  All in all, I have to admit that this was an absolute beauty of a site, and really did give me both information, and something to think about, as if this lil business of mine does take off, a move to somewhere nice would most definetly be on the cards.Permalink24th December 2007: Bombs In The Bakery, Staff Days Off, Ignorant Customers, Speeding Through The Chilled, Christmas Cards, Angry Alcoholics Part 553795655So last night, I begin working, and start with the chiller, and then hear coming from the bakery "beep.  beep.  beep.  beep." like a bomb in a Hollywood film.  I try to ignore it, but obviously, after 45 minutes of this, it really got on my nerves so I investigated.  Much to my disappointment, it wasn't a bomb.  They had put the CD player on the scales, and the scales were going mad.  Personally, I'd have been happier if it had been a bomb...But the real kicker of last night was that someone gave Caroline the night off.  This annoys me.  Because a couple of weeks ago Pete asked me when we need more staff, and we both agreed that Sundays were when we needed at least 3 people.  So last night it was just me and Simon.  Which meant that the chiller got worked, and little else, because the chiller is absolute rammed full of stuff.  Literally.  When I left at 7:10am, you couldn't have fit another single thing in the chiller because it was so full.  I'm sure this annoyed Pete, but hey, what am I supposed to do when there are no staff whatsoever.This said, me and Simon did an absolutely stunning job.  22 cages, 11 ambient, 11 chilled, meat and produce combined.  So, 5 and a half cages each.  And we rocked.  He did the meat and the produce, and I did the 3 chilled cages pretty much on my own apart from the little bit of help Simon gave me towards the end.  But then I sent him on his break and took over 25 cages over to the compound.  I was exhausted and just collapsed into my chair when I got in from work.  In fact, my back still hurts from it, although the rest of me is all fixed.On a short note, I just want to mention from the staff point of view how ignorant some customers can be.  And this has happened to me twice in two days actually.  The first time, I shot past a customer when I was trying to put some flowers out.  Now, I move really quickly, and shot around this customer who turned, looked at me with a disgusted look and said "Oh, don't mind me!"  The thing is, one of the biggest complaints we get is that the staff aren't passionate about their jobs.  These are complaints from customers.  Explain how I am supposed to strike the balance here people!  Then there were the customers yesterday.  The real ignorant ones.  You are trying to do a job, and put things on the shelves for them to buy, and they are standing across one corner of the store, facing you, chatting.  So you can't get the trolley past.  Now, the customers who move, I have no issue with.  But these looked at me, then went back to chatting.  Gah!  And the ones last night took the biscuit.  I said "excuse me" and they looked at me, and one said "Oh, don't mind us, we were just trying to have a conversation!"  Like you do in a petrol station.  At midnight.And I rocked when it came to working the chilled!  A chiller absolutely rammed full of stock, and I worked the whole damned thing in an hour and a quarter.  Which I think is pretty damned impressive.  Certainly faster than most of the people I work with could have done it in.  But that is for another post.  You know, I started out this christmas period with really good intentions.  I intended to send everyone a christmas card who had sent me one.  I even bought 12 handmade cards which looked damned impressive.  So how many did I send?  One.  Out of the 12 cards I bought, I sent one.  Next year, I am going to get organised!  Do them like a month in advance.  Lastly, and this will be quick, I cannot believe that people STILL get angry when they see the alcohol shut down.  Last night, a woman saw the shutters, asked if the alcohol was shut for the night, and when I said yes, she replied "tsk, not good enough, this place is a complete rip off".  Sorry.  I don't make the law!  This said, if I did, no-one with a bad attitude would actually be allowed to buy any alcohol!Permalink23rd December 2007: The Jacksblog.co.uk Christmas Party!This entry is actually being written part way through the party.  So far, I have listened to much christmas music, eaten the better part of a box of Black Magic, drunk almost half a bottle of Famous Grouse and coke, and played on the Wii whilst drunk.  Oh, and played Poker on Facebook whilst drunk.  Also sent a couple of e-mails on Facebook whilst drunk, which I can't entirely remember what they contained.  Ho hum.  Pretty average for an office party huh?  Anyway, Mistress Alcohol calls!Ok, so, I have drunk a little more, and this part of the entry is written about an hour and a half after the first bit.  Have been playing much drunken Wii.  Beating VIRTUAL people up when you are drunk is a a lot of fun.  Beating real people up when you're drunk isn't.  Tends to hurt.  Anyway, cannot wait to get Excite Truck and a steering wheel in the new year, and play drunken Excite Truck!  Anyway, it has now degenerated into raiding YouTube for more stuff to listen to.  And you, YOU dear reader, get to experience a little bit of this party.  Let me just show you a bit of the theme of the party.  At least it became the theme, after hearing it like 3 times on Last.FM.So, this entry is written about 2 hours after the party ended.  Damn.  There were party dances - The Time Warp, Agadoo and Wig Wam Bam (god bless YouTube), much more drinking, much more drunken Wii playing (I won beat the Main Event mode on Smackdown vs Raw 2008) and there was even drunken creativity.  There are photos from the party, although I forget precisely what I took photos of, and they will be published at some point.Permalink22nd December 2007: Rest In Peace HughI was going to write about what a bunch of absolute arses I work with today, but instead, I got sidetracked because Sue told me that a good friend of mine and someone I worked with for 2 and a half years was killed on Saturday.  Apparently he was killed in a car crash in South Africa.  I have to admit, it has really rocked me to the core.  I mean...the guy was younger than me, and now he's dead.  Makes you question your own mortality.  At first I was dealing with it in a jokey way, asking if I would be getting bereveavement leave because of it, and got absolutely destroyed by Caroline and Ian for it.  What few people realise is that almost every emotional response I have is copied from somewhere.  Nothing comes from me.  When my Granmother died last year, I was deeply saddened, and kept working, to keep my mind off it.  Even at the funeral I thought how the vicar looked like a goth.  But this is different.  My Grandmother was 80, it was expected she would die sooner or later.  You don't expect a 23 year old kid to die.  So, my emotional responses are screwed.  I have nothing to draw on.  So I deal with it with humour.  Until I can figure out how I feel.  And I have to admit, I feel like everything has stopped or slowed down inside.  Like my whole mental process is running in slow motion or freeze frame.  Hugh was a really good friend of mine.  When you went to the pub, it was always his round, never yours.  And as a supervisor, he was on another level.  He'd berate you when you did badly, reward you when you did well, and if management complained about us, he'd go after them like a bulldog.  I will admit he did have his flaws.  He lied.  A lot.  But I actually admired his capacity to lie.  One because I'm not particularly good at lying, but he lied so damned convincingly, that you would never know whether or not he was saying was true.  He claimed to be a millionaire, and when I dug and dug to find out how he was, he told me it was stocks and shares, using chaos theory.  And when I investigated chaos theory as a way of beating the stock market, turns out it's a real, if disrespected way of beating it.  Then there was his sense of humour.  And the pranks.  Going into the store and defacing up.  Getting a can of whipped cream and drawing a smiley with it on the back of someones car in a back street.  And pressing the panic button at the store, then legging it and being wanted by the police for at least a week.  So, that's my tribute to huey!Permalink19th December 2007: Uneventful Shifts, Tomfoolery, and CrackberriesGet 25 Free MP3 Downloads FREE - and use one to download Mistletoe And Wine by Cliff Richard, and get him to UK Christmas Number One to annoy Simon Cowell and his Pop Tarts.  Use all 25 if you are feeling generous.  It is time to say NO to manufactured pop and restore music to it's old high quality standard.Christmas MP3 Of The Day: Fairytale Of New York - Kirsty McColl and The PoguesLast night was a really uneventful shift.  No mad customers.  No stroppy supervisors.  No huge deliveries.  Nothing.  Just a really quiet, quite good shift.  But then we got very very bored after we finished the delivery.  So I did the magazines and taunted Simon muchly.  First he asked whether we had the new issue of Bizzare in.  I told him we didn't, and suggested to him that he tried looking in the canteen for the new, issue of Zoo.  He told me that bored him, so he didn't go for it.  I then offered him a copy of In The Midnight Garden magazine.  Which came with free crayons and building blocks.  Which I felt was suitable for Simon.  He didn't agree.  So then I suggested that he try New Scientist.  He asked me what a scientist was, so I explained.  I told him it was about goats that go whoof, christmas trees, great balls of ice, and rudolph.I was also without my Blackberry last night.  Damn...I totally understand why they are called Crackberries in the US.  QWERTY keyboard, texting, being able to write decent length notes, it's got a Pay As You Go Sim in it, which means I can't use the Blackberry service, which is more than a little bit annoying, but it doesn't matter.  The device is still absolutely invaluable to me.  I have fallen completely in love with this little machine!That's all for today.  I hope tonight will be more eventful.  Should be.  We have just 2 people on tonight.Permalink18th December 2007: Review of Custom-Writing.orgCustom Writing is the kind of company that I love to review.  Something that truely interests me.  I believe that the essay writing businesses get a lot of bad press, but I have always been in favour of them.  Custom Writing offers some very nice features.  For a start they accept PayPal, which is rapidly becoming THE credit card processor of choice for a lot of big companies (Boots The Chemist began accepting PayPal on it's site earlier this year) as well as a moneyback guarantee and a free plagurism report.  On their custom term paper writing section they have a don't ask, don't tell policy about why you need a custom term paper written.  But the other thing they have is experience, patience, and interest in writing custom term papers for you.  Another service they offer is annotated bibliographies.  The annotated bibliography section really blew me away.  It has a huge section on precisely what an annotated bibliography is, how to write one, and tips on how you can write your own, but then includes a price list for their own annotated bibliographies (very reasonable) in dollars, pounds and euros.  Impressive stuff.  The last section I looked at was the essay editing section.  Regular readers of this blog will know how I can spot spelling and grammar mistakes from 50 paces (most of the time!) and how I report them from memos we get at work.  These guys can edit essay and make your messy essays look neat and tidy and give you excellent spelling, grammar and punctuation.  All in all, this site is a truely class act.  If you are going to get an essay written for you, really, use these people, because their prices are incredibly reasonable, and from what I have seen, they're really on top of their game.Permalink18th December 2007: New Mad Customer, New Uniforms From Tranny And Susanna, Deaf In One Ear, Early Small Deliveries, More Business Talk, and Grumpy SupervisorsGet 25 Free MP3 Downloads FREE - and use one to download Mistletoe And Wine by Cliff Richard, and get him to UK Christmas Number One to annoy Simon Cowell and his Pop Tarts.  Use all 25 if you are feeling generous.  It is time to say NO to manufactured pop and restore music to it's old high quality standard.Christmas Video Of The Post: Saviours Day by Cliff RichardWe have a new mad customer.  She came in and asked for 20 Marlboro Light, so Caroline dutifully got them, and she slammed a fiver on the counter, so Caroline told her they were £5.53, so this mad old lady gives her another 40p.  So Caroline tells her she needs to give her another 13p.  So the mad one gives her 2p.  Caroline tells her that it's now another 11p, and she huffs and gives her the 11p.  Then asks for her cigarettes.  Caroline says that she gave them to her, then the mad old lady checks everywhere, and says she doesn't have them.  So Caroline says she must because she scanned them.  The mad one disagrees.  So Caroline gives her the receipt to prove it.  Mad old lady snatches the receipt, slams her hand on the counter and storms out.  You see readers, these are the lovely kind of people we have to deal with on a daily basis at our wonderful little store...WE ARE GETTING NEW UNIFORMS!  Ok, well, maybe.  They still need to be approved by the board, but they're really not going to turn them down, because Tranny And Susannah designed them.  The show goes out tonight on ITV, so if you want to know where I work, the company should be featured pretty heavily.  The store won't be, because to be honest, we're in a sleepy little backwater.  And Tranny And Susannah wouldn't come down here.  Too much cow poo.  If you don't know who Tranny And Susannah are they are below:I'll let you decide which are Tranny And Susannah.  But here is a clue.  One is a blonde, the other is a brunette.Now, I had a worrying thing happen during my shift.  I went mostly deaf in one ear.  I could still hear, but a lot of the time it was muffled.  And oddly, as instantly as it appeared, it disappeared.  One minute I could barely hear, a few hours later I could hear perfectly again.  I really hated it, because I couldn't hear properly, which always irritates me!  Anyway, now I can hear properly, so, that's all good!So, at 2:30 I went for my lunch, went to grab my cash card, and then looked out the window to see the truck pulling in.  Much to my delight.  See, I equally loathe and love getting the cages off the truck.  I am more than aware that pulling the heavy cages off the truck is the reason I have a 79kg punch.  That is in contrast to my rugby playing best friend who has a 69kg punch...  Anyway, I loathe it because it exhausts me before I get a single case worked.  This said, it does also fire me up...  But I digress.  The delivery was in at 2:30am, and finished by 6am.  Which leads me onto my next point...SIMON WASN'T HAPPY WITH THAT!  I am not sure what kind of superman he thinks I am, and although I CAN work fast, I do it purely as a favour.  It is not a paid for service.  And I do it when *I* feel like it.  Funnily enough, after coming back from what was described by my nurse of a sister as a serious cold, I wasn't really in the mood for stretching my legs and pushing the limits.  Which irritated Simon.  He expected me to do all the racking, and all the loading bay.  Then had a pop at me for not doing so.  At the end of the shift.  I told him I didn't have time, and he told me that I must do better tonight.  Whatever buckaroo.  He did the entire chilled on his own, which was good, but I am still recovering.  Lastly, our company excels at memos.  Nothing is spellchecked or grammar checked.  Up until now I thought this was purely the domain of our internal management.  I was wrong.  We got this from our directors:"Christmas is a busy time but an immensely enjoyable, we can..."Bless them.  They don't live in the real world.  It's only immensely enjoyable if you get all of Christmas off, and earn about £100k a year.  Oh.  Wait.  They do...Permalink17th December 2007: Talk121 ReviewNow, as someone who stays up all night 7 days a week, I am no stranger to the "phone sexy Sadie on 0891..." chat line adverts on TV.  So, when I got the chance to review Talk121 it intruiged me.  You see, Talk121 is a little different from these other services.  Most other services cost approximately £750 per minute (figure may be exaggerated, for those without a sense of humour).  Now, personally, I love the idea of phoning a total stranger, if they all look like the girls on the adverts for a bit of phone chat, but I resent the idea of having to pay extortionate fees.  Talk121 is free.  Yes.  Free chat.  But they have more features than that.  They have online chat, a forum, and voice personals.  All you do is pick the number for the area you are in, call it, and you can chat with people for free.  Now, unfortunately the phone version didn't work in the UK because you need caller ID, and this wouldn't work on Skype.  But the whole site looks very interesting, and I have already registered, because finding new people is always a good thing.  All in all, this looks like a very interesting site, and one I look forward to using more in the near future.Permalink 17th December 2007: The Flu, Campaigns, Frost, and The New YearGet 25 Free MP3 Downloads FREE - and use one to download Mistletoe And Wine by Cliff Richard, and get him to UK Christmas Number One to annoy Simon Cowell and his Pop Tarts.  Use all 25 if you are feeling generous.  It is time to say NO to manufactured pop and restore music to it's old high quality standard.I know I haven't been blogging as consistently as I promised recently, but there is a good reason for this.  Lately I have felt...off.  Not sick of blogging, or even tired of it, just...off colour.  And then on Saturday I found out why.  Full blown Flu.  Now, I leap out of bed.  Every day.  Literally leap out of bed.  Forget a cold shower, THAT is the best way to knock those cobwebs out of your head.  I digress.  So I leap out of bed with a sniffle, and then discover that my balance nor the lightness of my head is what I expected.  So, you can imagine my surprise when I get out of the toilet from peeing to discover that the stairs are slowly swaying from side to side.  No, I wasn't drunk, I was just that ill.  So I go downstairs, drink 3 glasses of water in a row in an effort to drown the little man inside my head with a sledgehammer, and then go back to bed and sleep for another 6 hours.  And then managed to wake up feeling worse than I fell asleep.  To the point where the reasonably awful Conquest Of The Planet Of The Apes was on, and I couldn't muster the energy to get the remote control which was not a million miles away (on the table in front of my chair, but just out of reach) to change channel.  Instead, I just stayed reclined in the chair, being comforted by my fiancee, who I have to say is the most amazing woman in the world.  She can put up with me when I am ill, therefore she deserves some kind of medal.  Even my sister, a trained nurse, knows to stay away from me when I am ill because I am that much of a bad patient.  I also took last night off because although I was more or less better, when I went to walk down the stairs, they still juddered a little, which made me believe that moving big heavy metal cages might be a tad foolish.  But now I am better, and full of motivation to return to this blog and blogging with a vengence.  14th December 2007 (posted 17th because it was too funny to delete): Memos, Mad Woman, Rude Customers, Smarmy Customers, Office Parties, The Mortgage Lender, Friendship and How Not To Fix A TillSo, first up today I have some absolutely cracking extracts from memos we have been left at work.  These are real, and retyped exactly as they were written at work.  And the really scary thing is the first is from the HR Manager, and the second is from one of the directors.  "Next week is are busys time of year""If a shoplifter offers you violence, LET THEM GO!" - to be honest, I'd want to know how much they were offering violence for, and if the price was right, I think I'd take them up on the offer.  Then we had the mad woman in who I am convinced is Helen Lederer, but for legal reasons, and not wanting to be sued, most probably isn't Helen Lederer.  She wrote a cheque for 3 packs of cigarettes, and then got told that she couldn't pay by cheque (our company got hit by a massive case of cheque fraud) so she complained that she'd paid for gas and electricity by cheque.  Which was true, because you can pay for those by cheque.  Anyway, then she complained that her card was declined, because £800 was going into her account tomorrow.  We still refused her (which hurt me, because I hate to see a smoker without fags.  Then she begged us if she could leave her card with us (useless to us) and then began begging other customers for money.  It was a really REALLY sad sight.  And then we had a really rude customer.  I hate these guys.  He walks in, and hands me his card without saying a word.  So I ask "Pump 4?" and he replies "Hmph, only one out there" then when I served him, he just walked away.  Not a thank you, not a thanks, nothing.  Then we had a smarmy customer.  He was all over his girlfriend, bought everything, and it was really horrible.  He even dressed as a pillock.  These ones are the ones I hate most of all, because they're all over their girlfriends, and it's...just horrible!The office party is on Saturday, and I cannot wait.  I'm going to take many photos, and publish them on a site.  I will have to write here about it too!  It's going to be a LOT of fun.  Management always get absolutely wasted...But what made my day last night was reading in the Southampton Echo that The Mortgage Lender was on it's way down!  Hahaha!  I used to work for them, and they were a really cack company to work for.  Mass incompotence (I can back that up in three words if their lawyers are reading: Black.  Bin.  Bags.)  And being the new person, I was assigned the most useless person in the office, who just ignored me and kept me away from the rest of the group.  So, I hope that they go down, or at the very least, the woman who "trained" me lost her job.  Apparently, friendship is £59 worth of fuel.  This guy came in, absolutely hammered, and insisted he paid for the fuel on a certain pump.  Anyway, so he bought a few other things, then paid.  So, the next customer comes in and asks to pay for the fuel on the same pump.  I tell him that the fuel has been paid for and he said "by who?", so I point out the guy behind him, who is now grinning.  He turns and says "you paid for £59 of fuel?  how drunk are you?" and he goes "doesn't matter, you're my mate, anyway, we going home now?  And I am w*nkered."  So the driver laughs and says "I'll have to pay you back someday, I guess, anyway, let's get you home".  Lastly, till 3's Chip and Pin went down last night, so Simon tried to fix it using a knife.  Funnily enough, his attempt was a little less than 100% successful.  For a start, he managed to hit the emergency stop button, which shuts off the fuel, and means that you have to find the button, rotate it, then manually restart the pumps, then tell the people outside to put the pumps back in the slots, and start over.  And if that wasn't enough, he also managed to break Chip And Pin on till 4 too.  13th December 2007: Rocking, Idiots, Notes and Ethical Christmas CardsWe did really well last night.  We had 300 cases in, and we got the whole thing finished by 6:30am.  Which isn't at all bad considering it was just me and Ian.  Although I do wonder if we had worked together on both sections together, then we might have finished earlier, but then that was bad decision making on my part.  See?  Not infalible.We also had some idiots.  Incredibly, this guy buys £50 of petrol, and pays in £5 notes.  Now, that is in no way annoying, filling up the till with £5 notes which is really irritating.  Then he picks up a magazine and plonks it on the counter.  I tell the guy that it's £2, and you'd have thought I'd told him it was £500.  He looked shocked and said "Oh, right, hang on, I'll have to go get some money from the car".  Then ran out and got money.  Basic premise of how a shop works - you bring money in, you get goods for said money. Not rocket science.I got a note from James.  He has inherited his mother's inability to use capital letters, punctuation, or the correct words.  I was planning to publish the letter here, but I left it at work.  One excerpt is "As you no[sic] there is a voucher with your name on it".  Lastly, we have an ethical christmas card at work.  Well, a poster with blank stars on it.  You pay £2, and you get to write a message in a star.  One message from a supervisor says "Dear all, you all smell of wee and I hate the lot of you.  Anyway, merry christmas and a happy new year.  Name withheld due to concerns for safety.  Love Steve."  Ian wrote "I hate Christmas.  Ian.  P.s.: I have paid my £2."  I wanted to write in the biggest star "I hate all of you.  Every last one.  Doubly for Pete."Permalink12th December 2007: Black Diamonds At MySolitaire.comNow, those who study my blog carefully will know that I am an engaged man, and that I am actually planning on getting married really quite soon.  So, the MySolitaire.com is a great site for me to review.  Considering my fiancee is a jeweller, I am constantly worrying about what I am going to get her jewellery-wise.  I mean, how are you supposed to impress a jeweller with jewellery if you are but a mortal man?  MySolitaire.com could be the answer.  They offer something quite incredible - Black Diamonds.  This is something I have never seen before, but they are amazing.  I mean, look!  Black Diamond Rings.But if you thought they were impressive, you really need to also see their blue diamond rings.  Blue Diamonds actually manage to look even better than the Black Diamonds, which when I saw them thought were impressive, but then I was just blown away by the Blue Diamonds.  Forget connections with Titanic, just look at how good this is!But if you really want to blow your girl away with something really quite unique, stunning, and just jaw droppingly beautiful, may I suggest MySolitaire.com's red diamond jewellery.  However good Blue and Black Diamonds may look, they just have nothing whatsoever on Red Diamonds:Wow, I mean...WOW.  That is just amazing.  Ok, so it's not cheap, but come on, have you EVER seen anything as stunning as that in your life?  Now, I have never seen these diamonds before in my life.  I'd heard about clear diamonds, obviously, and I'd heard of those funny little yellow diamonds made of dead people, but these three diamonds are just beautiful.  Now, I realise that not everyone has a jeweller as a fiancee, and that finding something which is a little bit unusual isn't required, but think about it, imagine the look on your girlfriend's face when you present her with that Red Diamond ring.  Permalink12th December 2007: Love And Hate Ice, Children Cannot Supervise, Presents For Simon But Not Me? How Rude!, Paradox Customers, Replenishment Is Swapsies, Mindless Racists, Reasons To Refill Bananas, 45 Minute Breaks For Supervisors and A Genius Error Message.As you might have noticed, today is a bit of a bumper post!  A lot of stuff happened, so a lot of stuff is getting blogged!  First up, I am strange.  I love cold weather.  I don't really get cold when I am in cold weather, so I can just enjoy it, and take in how everything is covered in a beautiful layer of frost.  Then there are the downsides.  Having to refund customers because the car wash/jet wash is frozen.  Or listening to customers complaining that there are patches of ice on the forecourt (we are talking patches about half the size of your hand, and only 2 of these on the forecourt).  Also it holds up my going to and leaving work, because Dad has to scrape the ice off the car.  But anyway...at least it's still cold outside!Now, it has been proven that children cannot be supervisors.  James aka Spud, was on from 2pm until 10pm, because he's too young to work after 10pm (didn't stop him working nights...) which meant Simon had to come in at 10pm to relieve him, because otherwise there would only be Michal left in the store.  But because Michal is Polish, this meant that Simon decided he should stand on the tills for an hour and chat with Michal for an hour.  You may remember a few days ago that I commented on how if we appeased our customers, we would get a Corporate Christmas Present.  Well, it has arrived!  We appeased over 100 customers, therefore we get a very nice £20 voucher.  The only slight bitter taste left by it is that it has to be used between the 16th and the 30th of December.  Which is annoying, but does coincide with our other "Christmas Bonus" of an extra 10% off of our already quite handy 10% discount.In retail, you always get bad customers and good customers, as you might expect looking from the outside in.  But there is a rare, but existing type of customer.  The paradoxical customer.  Now, fortunately you don't often have to deal with this type of customer, but they do pop up every now and again.  This customer is annoying because they'll ask for your help in finding something, and you won't have it.  So, you offer to go look in the warehouse to see if you have any more of it.  And then they hit you with it, and you know it's only going to get worse after those three little words - "No, it's ok".  Because after they go wandering off, it burrows into their brain that YOU didn't actually help them.  So they complain.  They complain that there isn't enough stock of whatever it was that they wanted.  Which if you're not in charge, means you get in trouble for trying to help them, but them not letting you, and because in our store "The Customer Is King", if you try and argue that it wasn't your fault, that's irrelevant because a customer has complained...It hit me last night, whilst working the chiller that replenishment (the industry name for shelf filling) is a giant game of swapsies.  Hear me out on this one!  You go somewhere, and look at what you have, and then go "need, need, don't need, need, shiny..."  Ok, so the last one might actually be a bit of a lie, but you seriously look at the stock and decide what you do and don't need.  And my vague memories of being a kid reminded me that as kids we used to play swapsies going "need, need, don't need, need, need, got loads of, need..."Now, I often joke about the Polish, but all in all, they're an alright bunch of people.  Quite nice.  Quite friendly.  Willing to make an effort to be friendly on the whole.  But apparently one customer doesn't agree with my thoughts.  Simon wrote down the number plate of this quite dodgy looking customer, and to be honest, I would have written his number plate down too.  So, he sees this, and takes offence, and starts claiming that Simon is doing this because the guy is English and Simon is Polish, therefore he thought that the English guy was stealing money.  Now, as if that wasn't bad enough, he then took out a five pound note and threw it at Simon and told him if he wanted money so badly, to send that money back to his family in Poland.  And then, that still wasn't enough, so he stood at the door telling customers that came in for a few minutes that Simon would rip them off and be rude to them because they were English.  Funnily, we even had complaints from other customers about this prat, to which I replied I hoped the police would come and fill up with petrol before he left.  Unfortunately I was disappointed...However, Simon did come up with quite a novel reason why we needed to fill the bananas:"We must change banana because Laura is come in the morning!"  Really?  Maybe those rumours are true...But then he annoyed me.  Because I took my lunch at 1:45am, so that he could take his break at 2:15am.  Except, when I came back, he'd decided he was going to take his break at 5am, an hour before he finished.  But then he realised that he hadn't had his last 15 minute break either, so without telling me, he just tacked it onto the end of his half hour break, giving him a 45 minute break.  Now, considering there were only 2 of us working last night, it meant that I had to do everything on my own, with just Sue covering the tills.Lastly, I have to tell you about the genius error message that we have in our store computers when things go belly up:"The Application Has Encountered Some Error" followed by lines and lines of code.  Very user friendly...Permalink11th December 2007: Review Of Babyfy.comBabyfy.com is a stunningly well designed site which offers baby product reviews.  Now, this site attracted me because I am having many MANY discussions with Alejandra about having kids.  And of course, if you are going to have kids, then you're going to need to know what baby products are good, and which baby equipment is basically, pants.  Now, the first thing that hits you is that this is a UK site, and it's very simply laid out.  Two big pluses as far as I am concerned, because to be honest, I don't trawl many baby sites, and if they can make it as simple as shopping at Amazon, fantastic!  What they have, which other sites do not have is a little box at the top offering advice.  You can click on the "read more" link and you get access to a blog by Melinda Nicci who from the credentials there, sounds like the really knows what she's doing.  But there is more!  Sleep experts, employment experts, breastfeeding specialists, even a maternity lingerie person (her blog will get much reading from me when Alejandra is pregnant...)  As for the reviews section, they have something quite extraordinary.  You can pick expert reviews, or user reviews, but the real kicker on this site is that the reviews are hooked up to an RSS feed, so I would presume that when a new review is added, you get it via RSS.  What a good idea!  Why hasn't anyone else thought of this?  Now, in conclusion, I have to say I was hugely impressed with this site.  It is supremely well laid out, it has unique features which combine old ideas and new technology, which is a mindset I myself adopt, and it has a maternity lingerie expert.  What more could you ask for in a baby site?  Nothing.  That's what.Permalink11th December 2007: Relaxing Day OffChristmas Video Of The Day: Fairytale Of New York by Kirsty McColl And The PoguesGet 25 Free MP3 Downloads FREE - and use one to download Mistletoe And Wine by Cliff Richard, and get him to UK Christmas Number One to annoy Simon Cowell and his Pop Tarts.So, this is probably going to be quite a short entry, purely because I really didn't do a lot yesterday.  I spent a long time just talking on the phone with my romantic, wonderful, loving fiancee.  We're spending so much time making plans for my trip to Guatemala, and I'm also testing out my Spanish with her.  I should actually mention where I am learning Spanish.  There is a fantastic site called LiveMocha which does more than just teaches you a language, it connects you with people who speak the language you are learning and are learning the language you speak.  So far, for all my tests I've got a lowest score of 39 out of 40, and a highest score of 40 out of 40 (for Magnet, which is easily my favourite test on the site).Then I read my book which I am trying to get through.  It's a really good, and absolutely facinating book.  So much of the book is making so much sense right now.  It's called The Science Of Getting Rich and it really and truely does make a lot of sense.  I think a lot of people will write it off for having "spooky mumbo jumbo" but when you think about it with an open mind, it really makes a LOT of sense.Permalink10th December 2007: Christmas Number 1 Campaign, Late Starts, Being Bored, Being Quick, Slapped Wrists and Yet Another RedesignChristmas Video Of The Day: Mistletoe And Wine by Cliff RichardGet 25 Free MP3 Downloads FREE - and use one to download Mistletoe And Wine by Cliff Richard, and get him to UK Christmas Number One to annoy Simon Cowell and his Pop Tarts.So, I have decided to make a campaign to make Cliff Richard the UK Christmas Number One.  Why?  Well, as much as I like watching X Factor (Same Difference to win!) I am sick and effing tired of Simon Cowell and his Pop Tarts being Christmas Number One.  Come on people, Christmas and Cliff are one and the same thing.  We need Cliff to rescue Christmas from horrible manufactured pop.  Come on!  Together we can do it!  So, click any of the Cliff Richard links above, and begin a free 25 MP3 trial at eMusic.com.  And if you're feeling really generous, use all 25 free downloads to download Mistletoe And Wine.  If you are in your late 20s and live in the UK, you know what I am talking about...Last night I had to start work at 12pm, which was nice, and a pain in the ass.  It meant I had to finish at 8am, which I always hate.  The later I finish, the less I have to do.  I had to stay late because I had a disciplinary, which I will discuss later.  But because I had to start late, it meant I finished late.  And it also meant I had to work with James as my supervisor.  James aka Spud.  So, after I had served most of the massive queue of customers, which funnily enough, he wasn't around to serve, but he was when the queue was down to one person...We were really quick last night too.  And, begrudgingly, I have to admit that most of this was down to Caroline mi.  She actually impressed me with her speed last night.  I went for my lunch and when I came back, she had half finished a cage.  Impressive stuff for half an hour.  Not as fast as I am when I am on my game, but I was very much not on my game last night.  Too much chatting.  We finished at 5ish, and even got the milk, papers, and Ginsters completed by the time 7am rolled around.  Which is why I had nothing to do between 7:20am and 8am except be given orders by a spud...Now, the meat of this piece...my disciplinary.  I got a slap on the wrists because I hadn't filled in the temperature check book.  Oh dear.  Woe is me.  The reason I got a slap on the wrist is because it directly affects Pete.  Not the store, not anything else, but just Petey Pie.  Now, I argued my case well.  Because Simon doesn't fill in the book either.  And I pointed out that I am not a supervisor anymore.  And that I am forgetful anyway, due to my Autism.  Then things diverted to area managers being arses, new area managers coming into the company, my being quite good on the face of things, and how actually, when he thought of it, I did earn my wages.  Gotta love the fact that I can charm both men and women in equal measure.  And do so to my very distinct advantage.  Lastly, the redesign.  There is actually thought behind it!  See, I have a new program that lets me colour co-ordinate, which has never been a huge strength of mine.  So I threw it a few colours from this background I acquired, and bingo, it gives me this rather nice little colour scheme.  And when Christmas is done, I'll find something else nice and tasteful to throw together.  Suggestions always welcome...Permalink6th December 2007: Review Of Bed And Breakfast TorontoRegular readers will know that I review a LOT of blogs.  I actually enjoy doing it.  Now, a lot of the time, I might like the blog, but just can't connect with it for some reason or another.  But I have found one blog, which I wasn't expecting huge amounts from, but have completely fallen in love with!  Bed And Breakfast Toronto does what it says on the tin, they are all about Toronto bed and breakfast.  Obviously, they also cover Toronto hotels, because they are a Toronto travel blog.  Now, this blog interests me on many levels, because my Grandfather was more or less Canadian (he was born on the plane out of Canada) and it's a place I have always wanted to visit, and of course, if I am going to visit, I am going to need to find Hotels in Toronto.  But the reason I love this site is that it is funny as well as informative.  It looks good, it made me think, and it made me smile too at it's humour.  PLUS, the really impressive thing is that the blogger blogs every day.  I know how hard that is, so, well done!  Also added to the Blogroll!Permalink6th December 2007: James Needs Flowers To Get Laid, Girls Can't Move Cages, Things Customers Do To "Help", Rocking and Being NiceFree Christmas MP3 Of The Day: Christmas Swing Blues by Steve McCambridgeFree Christmas Song Of The Day: Christmas Wrapping by The WaitressesLast night was a lot of fun.  A little frustrating, but still fun.  And it started like it continued.  James came in and had a huge bunch of flowers.  I asked him if he was guilty or sorry, and he said that he wasn't either.  I laughed and I said that if he was buying flowers, it was one or the other.  He said they were to keep his mum sweet, which is something I really sympathise with.  But then he added that there was a third reason you buy flowers - to get your girlfriend to have sex with you.  I laughed and told him it still fell into one of the two catagories, because you're sorry you're not having sex, so you buy the flowers.  I still just thought it was fantastically funny that James finds the need to buy his girlfriend flowers to have sex with him.  Well...not that funny I guess...he's no Brad Pitt.  My nickname for him is Spud, due to his Mr Potato Head face.  And I think my nickname is the least cruel out of all of them in the store...Now, according to Simon, girls can't move cages.  He tried arguing this with Pete who disagreed with him (quite rightly).  I'm of the opinion that if a girl joins nightshift, she doesn't get any special treatment.  We still make the same kind of jokes, swear, and expect them to heft the heavy cages just like the rest of us have to.  So, I kept helping her move the cages...because...well...she is just a little girl (JOKE!)  At one point, she was trying to pull a cage backwards, and I was pulling it forward and practically dragging her along the floor.  Something me and Caroline were discussing last night were the things that customers do to "help".  Now, we know these things are well meant, but they are REALLY annoying when you're trying to serve someone.1: "I think I've got the 1" when we're trying to sort out your change, don't offer to give us the 1p.  It's really annoying because we then have to put all the change back in the till, figure out what it is you're trying to do, then redo your change.2: "I've got the exact money somewhere..."  Not always an issue, if we're quiet.  But if we're busy, and short staffed, it's really annoying because it means the customer behind you will blame us for them having to wait an extra minute or so.  3: Scanning items for us.  This one is just really annoying because if you miss the reduced sticker, it's actually your fault, but you will blame us when you read your receipt.4: Taking a bag.  Not annoying, just makes us feel like sh*t for not offering you one first.5: "I'll pack for you!"  NO NO NO!  Because you'll always take one thing I haven't scanned!  Me and Caroline rocked last night too.  We got the delivery finished by 6:30am, which considering we had 1900 cases, was pretty good!  Ok, so it didn't feel like 1900, but according to the delivery note, we had 1900.  Even the driver agreed with my theory that Amazon licenced the Tardis technology from the BBC, and where we work has stolen this technology from Amazon.  For those who don't follow, if you buy stuff from Amazon, it comes in ridiculously small packages which almost explode when you open them!Lastly, I decided to be nice.  I stayed behind for an extra 15 minutes to make sure the papers were done.  Which took pretty much everyone by surprise.  Dayshift kept asking me whether I was working until 7:30am, Caroline just seemed confused, and even Sue looked a little bemused.  And because I know management read this blog, I am not really going to explain why I did it, or I am going to continue doing it.Permalink  5th December 2007: Blog Review So, today I am reviewing 3 blogs.  The first one is this plastic surgery blog which is a really nice blog.  It is full of all kinds of information about what appears to be pretty much every kind of plastic surgery you could imagine.  From what I can tell, from my limited knowledge of plastic surgery, it seems to be very well made and researched.  The next blog I am reviewing is this cosmetic surgery blog which has a very interesting slant on plastic surgery.  We all know that plastic surgery can be costly, with some procedures costing tens of thousands of dollars.  This blog talks about the virtues of a plastic surgery gift card.  I suppose it does make a certain amount of sense.  This blog also has links to other plastic surgery blogs, so if you're interesting in reading more about this subject, the link above will take you to a veritable hub of plastic surgery information goodness.  The last blog I am going to review is about plastic surgery information.  Well, to be more precise, it's a view from a korean glamour model.  And for once, it's one that actually speaks a bit of sense!  I gotta love anyone that slates Victoria Beckham's dodgy taste in breast implants - "looking like two grapefruit halves".  So, that is the end of my reviews of these blogs.  Whilst plastic surgery really isn't my thing, I must admit that these blogs really interested me.  Especially the last one, it was a very interesting read.  I mean, it's not every day that you get to read the inner workings of a glamour model's mind.  Especially one that seems to actually have an IQ in more than single figures.  The other blogs were interesting, but I think they were more aimed at people interesting in plastic surgery.Permalink5th December 2007: Hole In The Loading Bay, Simon Lives, Corporate Christmas Presents, New Regional Manager's Report, and BORED!Free Christmas MP3 Of The Day: Santa Will Find You by Mindy SmithFree Christmas Video Of The Day: Winter Wonderland by Amy Grant - Karaoke Edition!So, this actually happened, or was shown to me yesterday, but due to the Blackberry going nuts on me, I forgot.  We have a massive hole in our loading bay, which is where all the stock which we don't have room for in our warehouse goes.  Apparently someone ripped two panels off the side wall, and stole 12 bottles of wine.  Great company policy!  Keep the big blast door shut, that way when people tear the store apart from the outside in, you can't hear it.  Yup, that's right, they tore open the wall, pulled a cage over, stole 12 bottles of wine, and no-one noticed until 7am the next morning!  Brilliant!  Love how our company really looks after us workers!  Because if they don't give a damn about the stock, why would they care about us?  For those not in the know about retail, stock ALWAYS comes before staff.Somehow, I have no idea how, but Simon is still in a job.  Now, I must admit, he was quite a laugh last night.  We cracked jokes, took the mickey out of each other, and generally had a pretty good time on the shift.  It flew.  Which is always nice, compared to some shifts which really drag!Now, we are apparently going to be getting a corporate Christmas present.  Joy(!)  I have had one such present in the four years I have been there.  It was a £5 voucher for the place I work.  But better than that, it wasn't for all of us.  No.  The shift collectively got ONE £5 voucher.  We bought 5 bottles of Ostrovar for £4, a box of Ferrero Rocher and used our discount cards and added 2p.  We got one beer and 2 Ferrero Rocher each.  I bet you wish you got Christmas Bonuses like that!  Anyway, they're going to ask at least 100 customers from our store what they think and if we've WOW'ed [sic] them, and if we "hit our targets" then everyone gets an "early Christmas present".  Personally, my strategy would be to bring a gun into these meetings, and aim the gun at them and say "Are you happy?  Have we WOW'ed you?"  Then you know, thank them for saying yes, give them a £5 voucher, and send them on their way...The new Regional Manaer has left a report on what he thought about the store.  WOW...he is such a happy go lucky guy!  He gave us a 1 out of 10 for everything except customer service.  But he did give us a 10 for customer service, which is always a good thing.  But the list of things Pete has to fix before the next visit is HUGE.  I mean like three quarters of a page of A4 huge.  Man, am I ever glad to be out of the whole management/supervisor/responsibility thing!Lastly, we got a tiny, TINY little delivery in last night.  It came in at 2:45am, we were all finished by 4am.  Which considering we end work at 7am left a LOT of time for us to be very bored in.  Even Supervisor Simon did much wandering around, reading magazines, and generally looking bored.  That is always a great sign of a slow shift.  When your supervisor has both run out of things for you to do, AND run out of things for himself to do, then you know boredom is going to ensue.  Permalink4th December 2007: Reader Request, Racist Simon, Nice Laura, Praising Pete, Broken Blackberries and DreamsFree Christmas MP3 Of The Day: Christmas by Effin LovelyFree Christmas Video Of The Day: Baby It's Cold Outside by Tom Jones and Cerys MatthewsFirst up, I have a request for all you lovely readers of this blog.  I want to have a Christmas song every day for you to be able to watch...except...I am running low on ideas!  So I am opening it up to all you readers.  Help me decide a Christmas song, and you will get a link to your blog/site/whatever on the post and a mention.  Now, here is the list I have come up with at the moment.Winter wonderlandI'll be home for christmasRudolph the red nosed reindeerLet it snowWhite ChristmasJingle BellsBlue ChristmasSilent NightLet It SnowLast ChristmasNew YearSanta BabyRockin' RobinDriving Home For ChristmasFairytale Of New YorkMistletoe And WineSo, as you can see, I am a few short to take us to Christmas Day.  So, all you have to do for a backlink and a mention is to come up with a Christmas song not on that list.  Either leave a comment or e-mail me.  Either are acceptable.  Or IM me...Now, I have to tell you about what has been going on at work whilst I was away!  Apparently the Friday before I came back, Caroline tripped over a box that Simon put behind the counter, she fell and hit her arm on a spike we have for holding the carrier bags.  And the conversation went like this:Caroline: "You can't just leave stuff lying around Simon!  I've bruised my arm!"Simon: "I don't care!"Caroline: "Simon!  I've actually hurt myself!"Simon: "You hurt yourself because you are blind!" (Simon storms off into the back then comes back)Simon: (in front of John): "You hurt yourself because you are blind, and you are blind because you are English!"For those who don't know, Simon is Polish.  Personally I think this is absolutely disgusting behaviour.  He is supposed to be our supervisor!  And he goes around making racist remarks?  To me it's just incredible that he thinks he can still work as a supervisor after saying something so obscene.  But when I came into work yesterday, Laura was there, and in a good mood!  Incredible, I know!  She was light, jokey, just generally in a good mood.  She also thumped me in the arm (in a good natured way) and said "Week Saturday Jack!" and I said "Yes, I can't wait!"  She told me she couldn't wait either, and that she couldn't wait to get drunk with us.  I told her that's what I'd told everyone, that everyone gets slaughtered and everyone is on a level playing field.  She laughed and said that I got more drunk than anyone.  I said this was true, but I was bringing my camera this time again, and she groaned.  I also told her I'd find a more stable website for the photos!Then almost at the end of my shift, Pete told me that he thinks that I might not be a senior member of staff in my job title, but he considers me a member of his senior staff because I've been there for such a long time (4 years+ and going strong-ish).  Now that was nice.  See, this is what I mean.  Little tiny things like that mean a lot to me.  I like getting little bits of praise now and again, and to be honest (management) it doesn't cost anything or take a tremendous amount of time to do it.Now, today's blog post was supposed to be a LOT longer.  There is a good reason it isn't.  My Blackberry crashed.  I say crashed, let me tell you precisely what happened.  I was going to add something to the list of subjects, except I couldn't, because it wouldn't accept my password.  I tried and tried to make it work, but it wouldn't, and in the end, it wiped the whole damned device.  Everything gone.  Fortunately I've only had it a few days...and I REALLY see why they call it a Crackberry!  I've never had a phone I've felt like saying "I can't live without this" but this is getting scarily close.Permalink3rd December 2007: Review Of Antonio's Mojito at La Fiesta, Puerto Rico, Gran CanariaNow, it is important to point out this is not a paid review of any kind.  I am doing this because I love La Fiesta, and Antonio is just an awesome barman.  After playing Irish Bingo at La Fiesta, I won a free cocktail.  I will admit, I really do hate cocktails.  I don't see the point in them.  Give me a JD and Coke or a Rum and Coke.  So, after being bugged all night by Antonio to try a Mojito, I decided to shush him by trying one using my cocktail voucher.  Now, I have to admit, I was so impressed, he took so much care over making the thing and looked so serious about it all, he was as focused, concentrated and professional as the staff at Que Pasa (they take their cocktail making VERY seriously).  So, after 5 minutes of mashing mint leaves into ice and sugar, squeezing of limes, throwing 7 Up bottles around and into the blender, he tentatively poured what I must admit looked like an alcoholic slush puppy (sorry Antonio, it did).  But wow...did it taste good!  At first it just tasted like watered down rum, and I was kind of disappointed, but then as the ice melted, the other flavours came through.  It ended up like a minty, limey, very cold, VERY nice drink.  The only complaints I have about it are that 1) There was a LOT of it, and it was quite heavy going whilst I was also trying to keep up with Mike on drinking our Rum and Cokes.2) On my last night, another guy bought a Mojito whilst it was busy, and Antonio kind of sped through it, and it didn't look anywhere as good as mine did a few nights before.  Slow down Loco Naranja!So, if you are going to Puerto Rico in Gran Canaria, make sure you check out La Fiesta in The Commercial Centre and buy one of Antonio's Mojitos!  Tell him the rum drinking wierdo with the beard sent you.Permalink2nd December 2007: Omnibus!Wow...what a trip!  I am going to try and remember precisely what happened over the last week, because to be honest, it's a blur.  Ok, so the first night really not a lot happened, namely because I hadn't slept more than 2 hours, and then had a drink which just absolutely knocked me out.  So, the next night we went out to our favourite bar, La Fiesta.  This is an awesome bar, I have to tell you.  The DJ, Billy is the most sane of the lot.  This isn't saying a lot.  When we stepped into the bar, this is what happened, as it happened.We take 3 steps into the bar, before hearing...Antonio: "AMIGOS!"We get about another 10 steps into the bar before...Antonio (now screaming): "Billy!  They back!"Billy: "WIERDOS!"Antonio then looks noncholantly at us and says "Hola.  Not happy hour anymore, so, what you want?  2?  4?"  We literally took 2 sips from our drinks before we hear.Billy: "Oh yes!  Those lads have been coming here for years, they know the score, get up, you're so playing this."We have no idea what a "this" is.  But we soon find out.  "This" is Russian Roulette with cocktails.  3 rounds.  Each round the cocktails get worse.  When the music stops, the person with the cocktail has to drink it.  Poor Mike, he ended up with 2 cocktails.  The nice one and the last one.  He threw up about half an hour later.  So, about 10 more triple rum and cokes later (I kid you not, the servings of rum there are halfway up the glass), we find out that our favourite game still gets played.  The Shot Game.  One tray of shots, some are nice, some are disgusting.  They all look the same apart from the colour, and the colour gives nothing away.  Now, I am a vetran at this game, I have been playing it for about 6 years.  I love it, it's almost the sole reason I go to La Fiesta, and I rock at it.  I now very rarely get a single bad shot.  Sometimes I do, but it never happens more than 3 times a night.  Why?  I know how it works!  I ended up getting 5 free shots of alcohol from guessing 5 TV theme tunes.  At one point the following happened:Billy: "What do you do all day?  Watch tv?  Anyway, what have you been up to today?"Me: "Watching tv..."I also saw Les.  There is great history between me and Les.  Last year me and her had a drinking contest, which came about because she couldn't believe how fast me and Mike drink.  Now, in The Shot Game, you have two choices, drink or nominate.  If you choose nominate, you can pick anyone on the bar premesis.  If you're brave, even passers by...  So, last year I nominated Les.  And she nominated me.  A lot.  The next night I came in:Me: "Can I have two rum and cokes?"Les: "No, because you're a b*stard"Me: "Why?"Les: "I spent all morning throwing up because of you.  How were you this morning?"Me: "Fine.  Had a full English"Les: "B*stard"So, when I saw her in the bar, Billy was deciding whether or not I should have a drink, and just as he said I should, I looked over at Les.  She then waved her finger in the air and shook her head, so I drank.  The next day was a serious chill out day.  We both felt ill after drinking insane amounts of alcohol until 2am.  So we went to the local market where I bought a huge black leather hat, and then relaxed.  We drank afternoon tea, complete with cake, in 30 degree heat.  It was wierd, but I like doing things that are normal, and every day, but in less than normal or ordinary places.  The bar was quiet, because on Mondays there are very few people about.  The DJ left at 1am, Les came in at 1:30am, and we left at 2:30am, and got hugs off Les before we left, which is always nice!The next night was just mad.  Les was behind the bar, Antonio was on form and hyper, and Billy was on fire.  When I went to the toilet, Antonio filled my half full glass with rum.  And poor Mike just kept getting his glass filled and filled with more alcohols.  In the end Les had to tell him to stop.  Speaking of which, Les bought me a Bacardi shot, which got emptied into my glass.  Nice girl.  Then we hit the free shots.  It was very mad.  I must have drunk another 5 or 6 shots before we staggered home.  We got lumped into the "staff" catagory by Billy because the staff were doing The Shot Game too, so Billy said "I want all the staff to stop playing The Shot Game, that includes you two lads sat at the bar.  Just give it a rest for 5 songs yeah?"  We ignored him, and I ended up getting a shot with Tabasco sauce in it.  I was on the toilet most of the morning...  We all got drunk though.  Billy had to change clothes with a girl, whilst he was dressed as a mexican, which made him look stereotypically gay with a moustache and tight t-shirt.  Their PR guy had to kiss 10 men in the bar, of which, me and Mike were two...  And one guy had to go around the bar collecting ashtrays and glasses for 10 minutes dressed as a baby.  And at the end of the night we got another huge hug off Les.  Again, always nice!The next day was a bummer.  It really put a dent in my holiday mood.  We were at La Fiesta again, and had a lovely night out with my parents and then seeing the crazy life I lead over there.  Then when we left, we got caught by a PR guy.  PR guys there grab you and try and entice you into the bars.  Now, I am going to do something I do well.  A review.  I get paid decent money to do reviews for sites.  Well...Dicey O'Riley's, it's your turn!Dicey O'Rileys is a nightclub in the underground section of Puerto Rico's Commercial Centre.  Now, considering some of the bars are quite notorious in the upper levels of the commercial centre, the underground section is basically the scum at the bottom of the barrel.  I have never been to Dicey O'Rileys and I never will.  When I was in Gran Canaria, I got collared by the PR Manager of Dicey O'Rileys, and their tactics absolutely disgusted me.  Most PR guys will ask you, try and entice you, but let you go.  Not this bar.  They had us surrounded by people, some of who left when I made them feel uncomfortable with eye contact, but the PR Manager of the bar and a heavy stayed, and blocked any exit.  And when we told him we had to go, he refused to let us.  And when I repeated that we wanted to leave, he became abusive.  The PR Manager of Dicey O'Rileys is a bully ladies and gentlemen.  I was told that I was showing my age.  I was insulted about where I came from "Hampshire?  That's quite posh isn't it?"  So, all in all people, if you go to Puerto Rico, Gran Canaria, give Dicey O'Riley's a miss.  Their PR Manager is a bully, he uses intimidation, and if all else fails, he will be rude to you.  And don't worry!  You will easily be able to identify him!  He will NOT be quiet about how "I'm Irish".  I felt he was about 1 second away from adding "kiss me".The next day we spent going around the island on a cultural tour.  Ok, by culture, we visited the island's biggest rum factory.  With a free bar.  I drank 2 shots of 12 year old rum, 3 shots of 7 year old rum, 3 shots of honey rum, 2 shots of banana rum, a shot of chocolate rum, and a shot of coffee rum.  In 10 minutes.  It was fantastic.  Moderation is a great thing, and I don't comprehend moderation.  And then we went up to the mountains and saw a stunning church, called the church of the protected lady.  I loved it, and mum said it was vulgar.  It had masses of gold and silver all over the place.  Anyway, then we went to a resteraunt called the finger of God, which used to overlook a massive hanging piece of rock by the same name.  Incredible food.  We had a pre-starter of potatoes in a mojo sauce, followed by a salad with some of the most beautiful Tuna I have ever tried, that was followed by a beef in tomato sauce, and that followed by ice cream.  I was stuffed afterwards!  Then we spent the night in the hotel bar, tipped the barman who kept giving us more and more and more alcohol without having to ask him for it, and finally got to bed at about 2am.  Now, our maid was actually mad.  Properly insane.  She made swans out of towels and left one in the shower one day.  But this day, she made our bed into a lake (because the blankets were blue) and the sheets into ripples, and put two swans on the beds.  There are pictures of what two guys in their late 20s drunk on free alco”