“I must have been in shock the whole plane ride. I can't allow myself to think of Nick or James or Bella or Miley. I can't handel it. So I did what people who can't handel things do I stare at the seat in front of me. Unthinking. When I'm forced to get up I walk and sit in the car trying to not notice my phone ringing or the constant text messages I'm receiving. I tried not to think of how much an idiot I've been as Joe (my bodyguard) drives me home. I try to think of what James was thinking. I'm trying not to care about what Nick is doing. It's almost 3 am and I arrive home. For many reasons I don't want to go in. Entering back into this home is too hard. I know whats going to be waiting for me in my bedroom. I know whats going to be set as my backgrounds on my iPhone and on my Laptop. I don't want to have to face it. I don't wanta do anything. I'm shocked and the rug that I stood on has been pulled out from under me. The only reason I trudge up those steps is because I'm going to face it sometime. It's going to be thrown at me. People are going to talk about it. Who am I kidding its going to be on every news station by tommarow. It's going to be all over the magazines. Girls and boys alike are going to rejoice. And I might be the only one truly sad. When I walked into my bedroom I left so many months ago, I look around at the walls. I see Nick's face everywhere. I see him smiling for the camera and that may hurt more than anything because now I can imagin him smiling without me. And I relize I will have to do it too. Smile I mean. Smile without him. I try to irror the eyes that follow me around the room and do my normal routine. I don't turn on my laptop or check the text messages exploding on my phone. I check my suger level and then I brush my teeth and change into my Pjs. I take off my concert makeup and stare at myself in the mirror. To an outsider I look like a celebertiy but too myself I look like a boyfriend less washed up Popstar. To bad only one other person feels that way. The worst thing is the one other person's opion mean the world to me. I get into my bed and try to close my eyes. Even though I'm exashted but I can't sleep. I make a mistake and begin to think. "I'll never hurt you" floats in my head surrounded by the picture of James holding the roses. It dosn't take long to comprend that he'd been doing it the whole time. Just a week ago Nick had said he loved me and would never stop. The songs we wrote togather and the track we would be recording for my debut cd echos in my head. The laughs we had the conversations we though of. Then one image is put into my head. The one image that had actully happened about 2 months ago. Miley kissing him. No matter what i cn't get it out of my mind. I'm mently torturing myself. I grab my phone. And scroll though the missed calls. Theres none from Nick, Theres 11 missed calls from James. 12 from Joe. And Kevin is up to 14. Crissy and Elisa also had called. Mitchel called. Miley called. Demi called. Selena called. Mrs. Jonas had called. Summer had called. It seems like everyone had heard the news and then called. Everyone that cared about me had called except Nick. Nick haden't called. I clicked onto my text messages and scrolled though them reading them. Kevin said "I heard what happened. I'm here for you always." His next messages said "Call me Jade I mean it" and "You shouldn't go though this alone I can help." His next say "Call me now Jade". Then Joe had pretty much said the same things in a more despret tone. Crissy's said "No, No, No Jade call me." Everyone had sent text messages like this even Miley's. Even Mrs.Jonas's (who I didn't even know had my cell number.) Everyone except the one I really wanted to hear from. Except the one I may care more about then myself. Except Nick.Note: I can't post for about 14 days since I will be shoting a movie on loaction where we have no computers. So please be pactient when i find a computer I will ubdate! Thanks for your understanding!-Jade ”