Recent comments Woodenfox received
Second use of gray. I miss the significance though, other than the fact that its the time you've relied on such a wordless color.
I don't believe this. A) I don't believe the speaker understands that choice, based on this stanza and the entire damn poem and perhaps more importantly B) I completely do not understand that choice. And baring that, if you were to believe a lie like that, how could you unless somehow in love with it, making that the only option, making that stanza somewhat redundant.
Okay. I don't like perpetuate. It doesn't conclude this stanza for me. I am going to totally overstep my editing bounds here and tell you what I wish the last line was. "And you and I will eat (other options: sup, dine, feast--obviously your choice will be based on the mood you want here' I do think the verb needs to be kept short though) on lies. Fuck, you can barely read that. Again. "And you and I will dine on lies." Here is my reasoning. the stanza is great. It paints a picture of someone trying to befriends and nourish another person by deceiving them, and sort of blatantly. The speaker tells their friend if ground beef makes you happy and reminds you of happy, I'm actually not going to give you any. I'm going to give you a substitute a forgery. Its brilliant. Its beautiful. And most excellently, the speaker is so subtle about it, as though unaware of a bit of wrong doing on their part. Until the last line. Here the speaker seems fully aware that the beef ruse is a lie, and he admits it sort of sugary and sweet and softly. And I get to that last line, sort of buying into the beef charade and loving and wondering where its going and then, "oh, great...its another lie; lies perpetuate themselves huh? No shit." Basically, when I get to the end of that soft sweet, I am caring for you and lulling you and feeding you, I want to be smacked in the face with the fact that you have tricked me. I think it will really help this stanza and I think it could theoretically tie back to or help you with the troubled earlier bit about the only thing white being a lie. God I hope that all made sense.
This is my least favorite stanza of the entire poem. I don't understand it's significance independent or relying on the rest of the poem. I think you also get the most sort of preachy and high and mighty here. Which considering you referred to yourself as a monarch earlier on, takes some doing. I also think "loosen up" is distinctly, slangy and negatively jarring from the otherwise old, more romanced diction of the poem.
Beautiful! Truth is spilled ink and a long sigh! Irony within irony becomes how you define truth very accurately, very...truthfully, if you will. And you did. And so it was done.
Alright first critique. You asked for it. Please bear in mind that poetry is not my thing. I am just trying to be logical. I'm with you on this image and the portion of the sentence it exists in. But from my understanding, the only lies that are white are the white ones. And aren't the majority of lies committed with bad (i.e. black in terms of imagery) intentions? So I guess I'm partially with you on this. My confusion and temporary consideration about it took me out of the flow of the poem though. Its damn pretty; I'm just not sure it makes sense.
This seemingly came out of nowhere.
